you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
