ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
