Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
