I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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