i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
