AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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