I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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