You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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