Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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