it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
