Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
