I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
