He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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