The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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