Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
