Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
