I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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