Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize