Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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