remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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