Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
