We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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