was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
