So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
