8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
