I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
