peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
