She's JV to your varsity
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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