it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
