I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
