Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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