5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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