she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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