is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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