If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
