wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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