i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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