Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
