My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I smell stomach acid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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