What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
