it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
