So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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