So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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