Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
