Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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