I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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