dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
