Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
