I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
