You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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