a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
