so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
