I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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