Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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