Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
