idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
as a side note pls kill me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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