i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
