My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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