My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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