2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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