i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
