No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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