ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
