grandma shit on top of the toilet
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
