Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
