Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
