I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
