I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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