It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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