She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
