the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
