i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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