I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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